Karkat x Reader My Babysitter is a Crab
by StrongRed
Summary: Karkat x Reader. You are thirteen, yet you're still being left with a grumpy troll to watch you, how fun. This is an interactive story so you pick what happens next!
1. Chapter 1

You are furious at the moment. You couldn't believe your parents didn't trust you enough to leave you home alone. That's not the worst part though. The worst part is that they hired a babysitter to watch over you. And with your bad luck, your babysitter happens to be an extremely crabby troll.

You aren't a fan of these trolls that invaded your planet. They're rambunctious, which makes them highly obnoxious. All trolls seem to also be frighteningly violent. You unfortunately learned that the hard way, lucky you.

"Dad, please don't let Mom do this. I'm thirteen for crying out loud!" You plead. Your father sighs severely, it's nearly impossible to reason with your mother.

"It'll only be a couple days." Your father assures.

"Why do you guys have to go every single day it's open? Why not just for a couple of hours on the opening day?" You, (y/n) (l/n), weren't going to loose to your parents. Well, you were hoping to not loose. You guess you lost sadly, since the banging on the door indicated that the babysitter is here. Ew, babysitter, what a revolting word.

Your father barrels over to the door, relieved he doesn't have to argue with his wife. He literally bursts open the door in a record speed. The intensity even effected the stunted troll on the opposite side.

"What the fuck." The mutant blood landed on his rump. You couldn't help snickering at that. In return, he gave you a death glare.

"(y/n), help the poor lad up!" Your father gave you a disapproving look. You gaped at your dad.

"You're the one that knocked him over!"

"(y/n), I told you to help Karkat up."

You grumbled in response, your dad was just being lazy. You held out your hand towards the fuming, messy haired candy blood. He unwillingly uses you to help himself up.

"By the way son, don't use that language around my daughter." Your father gives Karkat a stern look. Why did your dad have to be so embarrassing? Karkat mutters an apology, while your mother enters and gives you a kiss goodbye on your forehead.

You are now stuck alone with an overly moody troll that you think is around sixteen. What do you do?

**One: Ditch Karkat, who needs him?**

**Two: Start an awkward conversation.**

**Three: Kiss the sexy mofo. Wink, wink.**

**Four: Drag him into the living room. **


	2. Awkward Conversation

**Two: Start an awkward conversation. **

"So, you're a troll."

"That's a fantastic observation. Seriously, you blew my fucking thinkpan."

What were you even thinking? It's obvious he has horns jutting out of his head.

"Somebody is on their man period." You laughed. Wait, you didn't mean to say that aloud. Do trolls even have periods? No, never mind that. You don't want to know.

"My what?" He gives you a menacing look.

"Oh, you wouldn't understand. It's a female human dilemma. It's pain is equivalent to being stabbed a million times." You love over exaggerating.

You know have Karkat's full attention. You hope he doesn't ask any more about it or else that'll just be-

"What is it?" He's tilting his head like a dog now. You can't help thinking that it's very adorable. You got lost in thought though and now Karkat is tapping his foot in irritation.

"Um, just something girls go through when they reach puberty. Heh, I doubt you really want all the details."

It took awhile for Karkat to comprehend that. How great, awkward silence.

"Oh," A carmine blush appears on his face. "You mean like..."

Crap, what do you do?

**Three: Kiss the sexy mofo. Wink, wink. **

What? Why would you even think of doing that? You barely know him. And he isn't that sexy. No, he's cute. He's defiantly not sexy. Now you're just baffled.

Maybe you should do something with him, but what?

**One: Watch tv.**

**Two: Ask him watch he wants to do.**

**Three: EATTTTT FOOODDDDD.**

**Four: Go outside. **

**Five: Go to your bedroom with him. Wink, wi-WHAT NO NOT LIKE THAT!**

Maybe you could also invite more people over. That might ease tension.

**Let him invite Gamzee. **

**Invite your moirail. (A/N: Comment who your moirail is.)**

**Keep it just him and you. **

What's your conversation starter going to be?

**Please Suggest it in the comments. The randomer, the better. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Two: Ask him what* he wants to do. **

"So, what do you want to do?" You asked Karkat, he is technically your guest.

"I don't fucking care."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, so there's nothing you would like to do?"

"I don't fucking care."

You rubbed your temples and sighed greatly. This was going to be a long night.

You decide to text your moirail.

You typed: **PLEASE COME SAVE MY ASS!**

You hit sent.

Why is this being narrated like this? You don't like it. Too bad.

**Four: Go outside.**

"Want to go outside?"

"..."

"Well?"

"It's dark out."

"Can't trolls see good in the dark?" You squint your eyes at him. Is he always this difficult? It doesn't help that you are already wary about trolls. Bitches could kill you at any second.

**Stop swearing Reader.**

No.

**. . .**

Karkat is blankly gazing at you, while you argue with yourself. He must of eventually grew bored, since he grabbed your arm and dragged you into your backyard. You had so many incredible childhood memories here. Like tumbling down your slide and getting a face full of dirt. Or that other time when your moirail (Why are you using troll terms?) kicked you in the face while they were swinging on the swing set.

Ah, memories. Aren't they wonderful?

"Hello?" A hand is waving in front of your face. You didn't realize you had zoned out.

"Sorry, babyface. I was daydreaming."

You then proceeded trudging to the swing set.

"Push me crabcake!" You closed your eyes, waiting for the marvelous sensation of the wind blowing on your face. It didn't happen though. You lazily open your eyes to see someone's eye.

"Ah!" Thump. You managed to flip back onto your bottom.

"Why the hell do you think you can give me nicknames? You stupid pink monkey."

"Well, at least you don't have Sollux's nickname, he's honeybuns." You giggle. Karkat looks dumbfounded.

"You know him?"

"Yes, now push me slave." You smirk at his warning look. You love to piss off trolls because you really don't like them. You probably never will either.

"I don't really want to know you, but we're stuck with each other. So, how about we try to have a nice conversation where we get to know each other. Is that okay?" You suggest.

"Whatever."

"..."

"..."

"Um..."

"What types of movies do you like? How do you know Sollux? Are you always such a fucking bitch? Can you please not call me babyface or crabcake, please? Take note that I said please."

**(Please answer Karkat's questions by commenting. I'll try to use everyone's answers the best I can.) **


	4. Chapter 4

"I like anything, but not super sappy stuff. I guess romcoms are my favorite though. I met Sollux on this online rpg and since I'm very close to Aradia, so she had us all meet up. And don't worry, I'll stop with the nicknames, Candy corn."

Karkat has a vacant look in his eyes. Was he even listening?

"Romcoms are the best, I'm glad you agree." His voice is monotone. You wonder what's wrong with him.

He eventually snaps out of his daze, when you poke him with a stick that's shaped like a sickle. You threaten to blackmail him if he doesn't push you on the swing. He then points out you don't know him well enough to use anything against him. That is very true. However, he finally gives in. No one can resist your puppy dog eyes.

The two of you casually bicker, until he truly gets irritated.

It's like deja vu when you land face first into the dirt. You leap up and strike a ninja pose. You're on the lookout for the suspect. How dare they catch you off guard.

Your eyes survey the backyard. The only specimens to be seen are birds and your neighbor's Chihuahua who's puny, therefore, making him impuissant. Wait a second, your eyes narrow. You whip around to face the troublesome troll in a black sweater. He squints in annoyance from your over dramatic performance.

"Yeah, I pushed you off the swing bitch." He sneers at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

Your jaw drops. How could such a minuscule troll do such a crime?

You then think about how he's actually an inch taller than you.

"Karkat, you're going to regret doing that." You roar, louder than a lion.

He rolls his eyes, unamused with all this. You were beginning to think he doubted your skills. Stupid candy colored bloods that wear black sweaters with grey Cancer signs on them.

You smirk and pounce onto the unsuspecting crab. At first he was just frozen in shock. Then he realized what just happened and began squirming to get out of your secure grasp.

**What is your revenge going to be?**


	5. Chapter 5: Crabs do hate buckets

"Heheh, Karkat, you will never escape my grasp!" You cackle, while Karkat wildly thrusts around. He has a murderous look on his face. He isn't finding this hilarious at all.

"I swear to Gog if you don't let me fucking go." He thrashes even more, while swatting at your hands that lock onto him tighter.

"Nope, I'm afraid I can't do that. Hey, to make things better, we look like a couple." You make sure your firm grip isn't in danger of being loosened. It's getting harder and harder to hold onto him due to all his chaotic movements.

"How is that a good thing? I wouldn't want to be caught dead with you." His eyes managed to somehow squint shut a little bit more to the point it reminds you of an angry hamster. One that currently sinking its fang like canines into your tender flesh.

You mutter curses under your breath. He is now getting double revenge, wait no, triple revenge. You are nearly oozing bitterness. How dare he offend you three times. First, knocking you off the swing. Then, saying he is way too good for you. And lastly, biting your precious hand. That little bastard.

You stomp off, leaving Karkat to wipe the smeared blood off his face. The bite was so intense that you're still in shock. At first, you didn't know whether to react by screaming or kicking Karkat in the ass. Now you have the perfect plan of what to do.

You know that trolls seem to have a weakness to a certain object. It's really quite peculiar. I mean, why would they be terrified by everyday cleaning items? Isn't it typical to use buckets for cleaning use? What other way would you use them, maybe as hats? How is that triggering? You guess you'll find out later.

You find a couple of buckets and select the biggest one. You begin laughing evilly, crabs do hate buckets! What a perfect revenge. He will never see this one coming.

"(Y/N)! Where are you?" You hear the slightly panicked troll and get ready to launch into action.

"I swear this is not funny, at all!" He's still mumbling words, hoping you would come out from hiding. He doesn't realize he is inching his way closer and closer to where you are positioned, until he stands directly in front of you.

You spring forward, screaming like a banshee the whole time.

"Payback, Karbitch!" You slammed the bucket down over Karkat's head.

Now I can predict the future, Karkat is going to be pissed at you and ignore you for the rest of the night. Aw, shit.

**Should you apologize? **


	6. Chapter 6

Karkat is slumping against the chair that is parallel to the couch you are presently laying on. There is an awkward silence between the two of you that has been going on for ten minutes straight. It was so silent that you could hear a pin drop. You were thinking of turning on the televison so there was at least some sound.

"Sorry," You finally managed to apologize to the cross troll. He didn't even acknowledge you. You really wished you knew what was so bad about buckets. After you accomplished your revenge, he slowly plopped the bucket off his head and stormed inside. He didn't even scream at you. It was honestly the most bizarre reaction from Karkat.

"I. . ." Karkat clamped his eyes shut. Looking closer, you noticed a very light scarlet tear drizzle down his cheek. This made you feel extremely regretful.

"Do you need anything?" You politely ask.

"N-No, I'm fine." He declines. He begins shaking like a leaf, or perhaps he has been shaking all along, but it's only noticeable now.

You get up and sit beside him. He gives you a typical "get away from me now, bitch" look. You sheepishly smile at him. You hoped you didn't ruin any chances of the two of you becoming friends. You then mentally scold yourself. He is a troll and you aren't fond of trolls. Well, except for Aradia. You two just get along great together.

"Do you want a huggie?" You widely open up your arms. Karkat does not look amused.

You try tickling his armpits and he snaps out of his daze a bit more. Now he is even more unsettled. You even try spooning with him, but that creeped him out way too much. You aren't the best at consoling little cantankerous teens.

You think about calling Aradia and asking her about buckets. That might be to awkward, though. Maybe you should give Karkat some candy, doesn't that make everyone happier? Knowing him, it probably wouldn't cheer him up.

You sigh, staring at the curmudgeon. You know your parents still won't be home for a couple of hours.

**How do you cheer up Karkat? **


	7. Chapter 7

You had scurried out of the living room not to long ago. You are now frantically trying to locate sugary treat that you just know will liven Karkat. What is this miracle that will surely cheer up the sentimental troll? Why a cherry lollipop of course. Those little fuckers could make any pessimistic an optimistic in seconds.

When your (e/c) eyes land on the candy jar, a whooping cry of joy slips out of your mouth. You remove the lid as swiftly as you can, almost like the lid was a burning inferno. Your hands linger over the jar, while you try to spot a cherry lollipop.

You always loved to save your lollipops for when you're sick. It defiantly gives you something to look forward to.

A sigh of relief escapes your mouth when you spot a singular red sucker. Today must be your lucky day.

You bolt back into the living room and find Karkat burrowed into the couch with the blankets wrapped around him like a cacoon. He looked so peaceful, but that isn't going to last long. Oh well.

"K-Kat, look what I have for you." You wave the lollipop in front of his face. You weren't sure if you imagined the series of swears he muttered after he exhaled. They weren't very nice.

"What? I don't want that." He glowered at you.

"Hey, I was trying to be nice. It's not my fault you're a picky eater." You defend yourself.

Karkat fixated his eyes towards the television. A movie was playing, he must have set it up when you had left the room.

You stroll around the room, singing High School Musical songs. Karkat hushes you. You bite your lower lip, you were bored out of your mind.

You begin creeping up behind Karkat, trying your best to not make a peep. In your opinion, he owes you after he sunk his fangs into your still throbbing hand.

"Victory is mine!" You beam from the exhilarating accomplishment. Your hands grope the two nubby horns, causing Karkat to shriek from the trauma.

You seem to excel at making Karkat hate you. Good job, (y/n).

"((Sorry, this is way too obscene for viewers to witness.))" Karkat bellowed. You were frozen in fear at first, but a smile couldn't help make its way onto your face.

"Karkat, you were totally purring!" You accuse. He immediately starts denying that. You thought he was even going to bitch slap you at one point. The sound of the door unlocking must have stopped him though.

"We're back, (y/n)!" You mother chirps from the doorway. What a wonderful time for them to come back.

"Thank you, son, for keeping a eye on (y/nickname) for us." He handed Karkat some money.

"I'm sure as hell never coming back." He snatches the money and evades the questions that were sure to follow. The door slammed shut. Well, this could be a lot of explaining to do.

**. . .**

"I promise, dad." You roll your eyes. Your parents were not happy with you getting Karkat pissed off. It's not like you tried to! Maybe a little, actually.

Other then that, you were perfectly content. Aradia, Sollux, and yourself had an epic video game battle. Sollux won most of the time, but it was still enjoyable.

You really wished all trolls were more like Aradia and Sol. Then you wouldn't have a problem with them.

"Are you sure-"

"Yes, I'll be better from now on." You interrupt your father because you didn't need to hear his useless blabber.

"I'm not so sure...blah blah blah..." Your father is in one of his lecturing moods. That means he's not just screwing around. This seriously is going to be a long night.

**. . . 6lah 6lah 6lah . . .**

You yawn, stretching out. You didn't particularly want to wake up, but, well, school. You rather not talk about that nauseating place.

After you are done getting ready, you head to the bus stop. You have a lot on your mind.

In case you're curious, some of your school friends are

**Aradia**

**Sollux**

**John**

**Rose (Who is often seen with Kanaya)**

**Dave**

**Jade**

**Who should you meet up with?**

"Oh, that is a big no-no!" You hear the cat-like troll before you see her. She's regularly ships her friends. You pretend you think it's weird, but it's actually kind of cute.

You would befriend Nepeta, if it weren't for Equius. He dislikes you and forbids you from ever saying a word to Nepeta. It's a shame, you believe the two of you have a lot in common!

Maybe you'll even risk getting your bones crushed to talk to Nepeta!

**Nepeta is added to the list.**


	8. Chapter 8

**StrongRed: Sorry for not updating on time, my laptop died. It was a nice break though. Anyways, in this chapter you get some possible love interests, woohoo! (And Nepeta makes ships involving you). Don't worry about Karkat though, he'll come around sooner or later. Oh and a longer chapter! **

You decide to talk to **Nepeta. **She's one of your neighbors, it's probably wise to get to know her.

You cautiously stroll over to where Nepeta is positioned. She doesn't even flinch when you accidentally step on one of her neon blue shoes.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" You apologize, your cheeks turning a subtle rose red. Nepeta just gives you a wide Chesire Cat smile.

"Heehee, hi (y/n)! It's okay, I barely felt anything. You're defiantly not as strong as my meowrail." Her faintly tinged olive eyes were locked onto your (e/c) eyes. You noticed she was shaking from excitement.

"Oh, that's cool, I guess. Wait, how do you know my name?"

"Uh, I don't know," She trailed off, tightly clinging onto her shipping notebook. Her eyes wandered around and her fangs nervously dug into her bottom lip.

"Did John or Jade tell you my name?" You questioned her. She immediately perked up.

"John, did you say John?" A slight purr emitted from the back of her throat as you hesitantly nodded. She clenched her fists, shut her eyes, and then let out a piercing squeal.

"Yeah, are you alright?" You began chuckling awkwardly. Was she fangirling? Not that you know anything about that, aha ha ha. Totally not.

"I'm purrfectly fine, don't mew worry." Nepeta rampages through her notebook. You think you hear her muttering something along the lines of 'It has to be here, it has to be here,' but you aren't sure.

She freezes when she comes across one of the last pages in the olive notebook that has cat pictures scattered all over it. Her eyes widen in relief.

"Best shipping evfur!"

You try to catch a glimpse of what she's freaking out about. All you can make out is two humans. One was a boy and the other one was a girl.

You spot the bus off in the distance. You know it should be here soon. You tap on Nepeta's shoulder to alert her of the bus that is nearing the two of you. It appears your other neighbors aren't riding the bus today.

As the bus pulls up, you look behind you. It was purely out of instinct to make sure you didn't leave anything behind. That's when you noticed curved horns above a wooden fence and two violet eyes peering at you. You nearly shriek, but then you recognize who it is.

Damn fucking Eridan.

You hurry onto the bus and sit beside Nepeta. All of a sudden there is a blur of blue, black, and green. Nepeta had pounced on you, her arms wrapped tightly around you.

"Thank mew fur sitting with me. I hate not having Equius on the bus. Before I moved, we would wait together evfurryday. Although, that only got to last fur a couple of weeks."

You didn't even get to say anything because she begins blabbing again.

"I heard that I was moving near mew and John told me all about how nice mew are. He said that we would become really great furriends. He said that you really like drawing. Guess what, I like it too! Then he talked about what mew looked like so I knew it was mew. He said you have gorgeous (h/c) hair and stunning (e/c) eyes. He even said that (y/n) is furry purrty! That was even in quote!"

You had no idea what she was rambling about. It made her happy though, so you nodded and smiled.

It was when you both arrived at school, that she finally had a much calmer demeanor. This made it easier for you to finally answer her questions. And thankfully, Equius wasn't in sight.

**Time Skip to Lunch because school is 8oring.**

You never planned on sitting across from Karkat Vantas. You should have known that being friends with Aradia means that she is going to want to sit with Sollux and everyone knows he's close to Karkat. Well, I mean, everyone except you.

"Why is she here?" Karkat's eyes drilled into you. Aradia giggled cheerfully.

"She's my friend, of course."

"I thought you knew that, KK." Sollux sneered.

"Why is she here though? There's other open seats."

"We don't have much classes together. I think it's nice we can finally talk to each other." Aradia grins at you.

"It's no problem, I can just leave. I don't want to intrude here." You gather up your books. You didn't want to argue with Karkat for the rest of the year.

"You can stay, (y/initials). KK is being a bitch because he likes you." Karkat kicks Sollux in the shin, causing chuckles to escape Sollux.

"No I don't, fuck off."

"You're black for her." Sollux teased.

"Hell no, now shut up."

"I forgot, you like that human boy J-" Sollux is cut off by Karkat's hand.

"Dammit, just shut up."

"That's way you wanted to babysit (y/n) in the first place. You get to pass his house." Sollux's grin stretched ear to ear. Karkat balled up his fists. Was he going to fangirl too?

"At least I'm not in love with-" Sollux's face turns grim as he cuts Karkat off.

"Stop."

"What you were doing the same to me." Nubs complained.

You wished you had some popcorn. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot a seadweller approaching the table.

"Nyeh."

You guess Eridan agrees.


End file.
